Event - The Night All Hell Broke Loose

So I think maybe I should just quit now, because I can't imagine another story topping this event from last night. Forgive this for being a short story but I didn't want to leave out any details.

Our story begins with a large Native American man quietly buying some groceries. Apparently inebriated, he begins saying things to me like the following (with utter disgust in his voice):
"I'm not like those Navajo," indicating apparently to some other intoxicated Native Americans outside. Proudly, "I'm Yavapai. Indians are from India."
I nod my head, not sure how to respond, "Okay?"
"You'll never hear a Yavapai ask for a penny, you know why?"
"Why?" I asked.
"Cause I say so."
At this he reaches into his wallet and throws something onto the counter. "Look at where I'm sleeping. What does that say?"
"Tempe Mission Palms," I read off the keycard.
"That's right. You go up to Fort McDowell? I'm a millionaire. I was born right down there at St. Luke's in Tempe. You're alright."
And with that, he left and I began hurriedly recording our conversation thinking that would be it.
He quickly comes back in and buys a Coke, a candy bar, and a pack of cigarettes, citing that there's a woman who was passed out outside the store and he was getting this stuff for her to help her out. "Women," he says.
I follow him outside to check and he sits down with a woman sitting with her back to the store in a black and pink tube top. I inform my manager of her, suggesting maybe he should check on her. The time is approximately 1:15AM. On a Friday night on Mill, business at our store is nearing its peak hour.
About ten minutes later, a Stretch Hummer pulls into our parking lot and some partiers get out to grab some supplies from CVS. Among these partiers is a new employee on his night off, we'll call him (for anonymity's sake) Conner. (Side note: "Conner" just so happens to be an African-American and the number of customers who use the word "dawg" has risen exponentially since his hiring. Intriguing)
Anyway, Conner and his party buy some alcohol. And while I'm visiting with him at the register, the woman in the black and pink tube top has wandered into the store and, stumbling around, is being followed by the watchful eye of my manager, whom we'll refer to as "Sheldon." The third on duty worker for the evening "Amy" is also near my register visiting with Conner. As I'm finishing Conner's transaction, the woman has made her way up to the register with a twelve-pack of Miller Lite.
As Conner walks out the door, the woman yells at him, possible continuing an earlier conversation or possible just showing her belligerence, "Yeah have a good night stupid fuckers."
Sheldon responds saying, "Alright, that's it. We're not going to serve you. Give me the alcohol and get out of the store."
"What are you talking about? No."
"Give me the alcohol and leave or we'll call the cops."
"Do it! Call 'em! I didn't do anything wrong!"
"Amy, call them."
As Amy "calls the cops" over our in store walkie-talkies (trying to trick the woman into just leaving and being done with it), she and Sheldon kind of dance around a display bin before he finally gets the alcohol away from her.
She continues to scream, "Just give me the beer...go ahead and call them...I didn't do anything wrong."
When she still refuses to leave, Amy and Sheldon actually do call the police, Amy in the doorway on her cell phone and Sheldon behind the counter.
Meanwhile, this whole time, I'm continuing to take customers acting as if this is any other night. The belligerent woman gets in Amy's face as she's on the phone with the police, giving a description. Sheldon walks back out from behind the counter and tells her to back away. Amy starts repeating/slightly taunting "Touch me and you're going to jail!" At this point a couple people in the line and outside the store who could see the action pulled out their cell phones and started recording.
What happened next I only saw out of my periphery as I rang up another customer's alcohol.
Sheldon tackled the woman to the ground in one felt swoop. Apparently she had made a lunging motion toward Amy with a fist and Sheldon grabbed her by the arm, spun her around and grappled her to the ground.
For approximately the next ten minutes, customers continued taking video on their phones, cheering or protesting, "You can't do that... she has rights... that's assault... you're not a cop," as Sheldon and Amy hold the woman down on the ground, one on her arms and the other on her legs to keep her from kicking. The woman, through her struggles, varies between crying, cursing, and laughing, claiming she's going to sue Sheldon and the whole store. She begins what would be the most heard phrase of the night: "I want a phone so I can call my lawyer. Bob Hirsch. Call him!!!" The whole while, I continue taking customers as they rush to make their last minute alcohol purchases.
Eventually, a couple police officers show up and immediately handcuff her. Sheldon mentions that during the struggle, her top slid down so to keep her from adding public indecency to her disorderly conduct charge, she should be kept on her stomach. She yells at the officer just to put her top back on. The two male officers inform her that they can't do that but a female officer has been called to the scene, as well as EMTs, so until they arrive she should just calm down, and stay on her stomach.
She does not.
At various points she flailed around on her back and side, hidden behind a merchandise display from my view, but in plain sight to anyone who walked in the store (at this point always asking if we were still open, seeing a couple of cops right inside the door. A couple of times, however, she rose to her feet, revealing to me the second and third naked boobs I've seen while working this graveyard shift (fourth and fifth if you count the raver mom described in an earlier post).
Finally, the female officer arrives on scene to adjust the woman's top and the EMTs arrive to check the woman out (she did hit the ground pretty hard after all). They proceed to ask if she's is intoxicated or on any drugs. She has been screaming the whole time that she was sober but she does mention that she takes Adderall and anti-depressants.
One of the officers asks, "Adderall? Do you have ADD?"
"No, I fuckin' tested outta that shit." (???)
"So do you take it recreationally."
"I want a fuckin' phone so I can call my lawyer. Bob Hirsch! I know my rights! Now give me a phone!"
"You'll get a phone call once we get you processed at the precinct."
Eventually, 2 o'clock rolls around and alcohol sales stop. But customers keep coming in, curious to hear about what's been going on (I even plugged this blog to a couple of them.)
Around 2:10AM, a couple of clearly drunk guys come to the register with a couple of Heineken mini-kegs, which I set behind the counter, "Sorry, guys, Arizona state law, I can't sell alcohol after 2AM."
"Oh come on! What could happen to you?"
"Well, I'd lose my job, get fined, and possibly arrested," I say pointing to the 4+ cops standing ten feet away.
"Oh...hehehe...didn't see them."
The EMTs finally clear her (and even pose for a picture with the above drunken, possibly stoned customer), and the woman is taken away in the back of a squad car. When all was said and done, there were four cop cars, a DPS vehicle, and an EMT transport with lights flashing in front of the CVS doors.
The last of them drove away shortly after 2:15AM, bringing to a close the most interesting and chaotic hour I have had in my nearly five months at CVS.
And then five and a half hours of utter boredom.

As I mentioned, a couple of people caught the tackle on their phones. They said they were going to post it to Youtube today. I haven't found anything yet, but if I do, I'll be sure to keep you updated. Thanks for reading.