Character - The Hangover 2 Star

This post was originally from June 24:

"today's CVS customer of the night: guy came in at 3:45 and spent half an hour trying to recount his evening which could pass for the plotline for "The Hangover 2" - he got wasted on a bottle of Robitussin and some beers in Phoenix and woke up at St. Luke's Hospital in Tempe with his bike. He came back an hour later to ask for bus fare."

So due to the character limitations of facebook in the original post I was unable to include so of the subtle bits about this character that made him so damn hilarious.

First, I have to admit I wasn't the cashier this night, I was working on the other side of the store cleaning the aisles but I kept hearing someone cursing over at the register so I went to make sure everything was allright. He was trying to call his friend to come pick him up. It wasn't going well. There were moments of silence where his friend on the phone said nothing (I suspect he had fallen back asleep). After about five more minutes of his obscenity-ridden phone call (they made up about 30% of his dialogue while he was in the store), he gave up and tried calling his father.

The guy was a construction worker who was supposed to be at a job in West Phoenix by 6AM and it was almost 4. To make matters worse, he couldn't find his ID. He was sure "the fuckin' pigs fuckin' stole that shit offa me at the fuckin' hospital, yo. Fuuccckk." At 4, the other cashier's shift ended so I took over for her and it was just me, this guy, and my supervisor in the store. He doesn't have any luck with his father. No answer. And no he starts complaining about how hungry he is, but he still feels nauceous from the Robitussin/beer combo. Also, he's not sure if he remembers the pin number for his EBT card (food stamps). After about five minutes of trying to figure out if and what he should try to eat, he settles on some Doritos and a Sprite and, fortunately for him, his pin works and he gets the food. All the while he keeps repeating how he doesn't know how he got here or how he's going to get to work on time. He then threw in the new information of it being hard to get a job while on parole. I'm kind of wondering why the supervisor didn't call the cops or just kick him out of the store. I didn't because he was too damn fascinating but she was clearly just annoyed with him. But she suggested he try to take the bus back to Phoenix to get to his job. She even showed him the bus schedule and helped his figure out his route.

Eventually at about 4:15AM, he stumbles away eating his Doritos and starts to head back to St. Luke's to try and find his ID. And I thought I was done with him. Nope. He rushes back in just after five to grab another Sprite before his bus comes. Also, he didn't have bus fare but my supervisor once again saves the day for him. And he leaves. Finally. I started thinking about it later and I came to the conclusion that he probably got wasted in Phoenix, went to the bars and then hopped the light rail to Tempe with his bike. I assume he passed out on the light rail and some cops found him and took him to St. Luke's where he regained what little consciousness he possessed. I also thought to myself, even if he made it to the construction site, he wasn't in any condition to work. He was still stumbling around as he left. Oh well. Good luck to you paroled construction worker who likes to chase Robitussin with a six-pack of beers. I may never see you again, but may you be forever immortalized here.