Random - Male Ego-related theft

So a few nights back I came across a couple of pilfered boxes of Extenze. Somebody stole $80 of this male enhancement supplement.

Most likely suspects: a self-conscious guy...or his disappointed girlfriend.

Random - "Family Planning" aisle

Ok CVS shoplifters, this was the fourth night in a row that I have found empty boxes of condoms AND preggers tests while working. So I have developed the following mathematical formula:

Horny shoplifters + Time = Possibly pregnant shoplifters = $100+ of stolen merchandise/week.

And here's one thing I didn't quite understand. Somebody opened a 2-pack of pregnancy tests and only stole one. This raises the following questions: a) Why not just steal both of them? b) Why not just steal from a 1-pack? or c) Why not just spend the $15.12 and buy it legally?

Random - Fourth of July Mill Avenue Stench

On the morning of the Fourth of July, the stench a wet, humid Mill Avenue pierced our doors. It smelled like wet dog, sewage, and old produce all wrapped up in roadkill skunk. My manager walked around the whole store spraying a bottle of citrus Febreeze.

Random - Bouncy Balls, a Boobie, and More

So we started selling "Helium super balls" at CVS. They're basically softball size rubber bouncy balls filled with helium so they bounce pretty high. While I used them to practice my juggling during the slow moments, it turns out the majority of my drunken college-age customer base can't be trusted with them. People kept bouncing them up and down the aisles, hitting the ceiling tiles and each other.

It got to the point that my assistant manager put a sign on the bin reading (emphasis on the quote) "do to possible injury to costomers and employee,s please do not bounce the balls thx, mgr" I immediately pulled the signs because I don't like advertising that I work beneath someone who by all accounts should be literate but isn't. I corrected the spelling errors and gave them to him. He came back a few minutes later with the following: "due to possible injury to customers and employee,s please do not bounce the balls thx, mgr" I again pulled the sign due to the "employee,s" error (which I had corrected on my version) and the manager gave up, blaming the computer's lack of spell check. Even if it had come back fine, I would have pulled it simply because he didn't capitalize or punctuate the damn thing.

Anyway, a drunken couple also came in to the the store last night to buy some cigarettes. What makes this couple different than others, you may ask? The fact that the woman was complaining about her broken shirt. Apparently one of the straps had come apart at the seams and she was having to hold the front of her shirt up. She was apparently to drunk to remember this when she came up to the register to pay though, as I glanced up and got a clear view of a naked left boobie. She slowly recovered, perhaps to out of it to even notice she had exposed herself to a complete stranger.

And finally, a guy came in claiming he was about to brighten up my evening. While his friend went to get candy, he walked over to me at the register, held something up, and said "pull my finger." What he held up, however did not look like a finger, but rather a dildo. I quickly replied, "No thank you." He pulled it and it made what I can only assume was supposed to be a farting noise. He then talked to me for a couple minutes and kept insisting that he doesn't drink and he was completely sober.

Random - Death Everywhere

Between all of the magazines and tabloids with Michael Jackson or Farrah Fawcett and the "As Seen on TV" section of the store with Billy Mays on nearly everything, I find myself surrounded by the dead at work.